How do you do it? How do you remind yourself that your child isn’t trying to be right all the time or pick a fight. They are just stating facts because they are literal. They see the world in black and white and there are no variations or sarcasm. He is almost 8 and high functioning. We get into a fight almost everyday because I forget he isn’t trying to argue. He is just stating the fact. He isn’t trying to be a smart mouth, he just doesn’t understand sarcasm. He isn’t trying to talk back he is just stating the black and white of the situation. I feel so lost with him right now. I don’t feel like I’ve read the right book or talked to the right therapist to be a good mother to him. I don’t see the reason why God chose me to be his mother when I don’t feel equpit to do so.
I used to believe that God chose your child. Almost like he had a waiting room of children waiting to be born. Then along came a set of parents and it was like central up there. You filled out your quiz and he matched you to this perfect child you would raise. Yea, there would be fights and tantrums (and the child would have them too). However, in the end love won and that child grew up happy and loving his family.

I have this battle of thoughts. One is God gave me him knowing I was strong. I would fight for him, love him, protect him and teach my son love forgives. Then there is this darker thought- the one where we don’t match up. The one where I am a failure to this precious gift. He hates me. I can see it in him when we fight. It is only after those fights I remember that his thought process isn’t the same as mine. I mean really, whose is? But his is glitched, wired differently. Why can’t I remember that before? I know it would save a lot of broken hearts and Kleenex.

But I can’t ask for a refund. I wouldn’t want one anyways. Of course I would never want a different child than him. I just want to feel like he loves me; most importantly I want him to know I love him.  I just want to feel and see the reason this child was picked for me.

2 Replies to “Why Did God Choose Me For My Son?”

  1. He knows you love him. He sees it in a million different ways each day. He wants acceptance. That’s the part that’s hard. To accept him before the drama, instead of afterwards. To remember he is literal is the same as remembering kyra is head strong or calleigh is a drama queen. As parents it’s our job to remember that each child is different. Before you reply to him, take a breath first. And remember why you are taking that breath.
    As for God.. He did pick Cade for you. Maybe not for you to always teach him but to learn from him. Patience, acceptance of differences and love. We all have lessons to learn as well as teach. Plus, if you can’t remember how he is, you can’t expect others to.

  2. Oh my word. We are living the same life. My now 11 year old is diagnosed ADHD but I’m beginning to wonder if she is high functioning Autistic too. One thing I truly believe about God (and it has helped me weather many things in this life) is that He doesn’t choose illness for us. We live in a fallen world where the devil seeks to steal, kill and destroy us at every turn and stamp out the purpose God has for us. Jesus came so that we can have an abundant life and God promises to take what the devil means to destroy us and work it for good. I cling to this with hope – even if sometimes it feels like a very thin thread off hope. We are not perfect and we screw up all the time, but God’s promises to work through it are so good. Praying for you to have peace and find joy in the every day trudging through to hold your precious family together and keep everyone alive. I pray for you all to thrive!!!

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