The first day back to real life after a holiday break is never my favorite. For me, it just seems like everything is harder, in slow-motion. Even though it’s been just a couple of weeks out of our regular routine, it feels much longer. My husband was back to full days at work today but the boys don’t go back to school until tomorrow, on Tuesday. Which I think is a little weird, but I’m sure there is a good reason, right? We got off to an early (5:00 am ?!?!?!) but good start. The kids were fed, bathed, and dressed and I was feeling pretty good. I wish we had a couple more Christmas-light filled days at home all together but I could make it. The band-aid had been torn off and I was slowly getting back into the swing of things.
That’s about the time I heard something break. I knew right away what it was. The snow globe that I had bought last spring. It had a single silver tree inside and the best swirling-fake-snow action I had ever seen. I got it one of my favorite little antique shops and I loved it. So did my boys. They loved to watch the snow and would sometimes whisper, “Christmas Eve,” as they watched it, even if they were watching it in August. 🙂
We’ve spent lots of time practicing how to be careful with it. How if you are going to touch it you have to keep it over a tabletop and are never allowed to carry it around because if you do drop it it will shatter. It. will. shatter.
And it did. All over the floor I had just cleaned. Already feeling low with the end of the holidays and the “back-to-reality-ness” of the morning, I couldn’t believe it. How did this happen? My youngest looked like he couldn’t believe it either. I have to admit, I lost it…Partially I was afraid for the safety of both of my boys as there was now shattered glass all over the floor. And another part of me was mad that it broke. I’m not too proud of that part, but it’s the truth. I got them contained into a safe part of the hallway in front of their bedroom doors and started cleaning. And yelling. And gritting my teeth. Then more cleaning. And more yelling, with gritted teeth. It took me almost an hour to clean it all up and I’m hoping that I got it all. Shattered glass, fake snowflakes, water, and the pieces of the silver tree all rounded up into my trash can.
I was not a happy camper. I was just so frustrated. I couldn’t understand why stuff like this has to happen. My hubby is leaving for a month-long training for in a few days and I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I have to admit there was even a part of me that for a second wished I wasn’t a stay-at-home-mom. If I had a job, my kids would be at a daycare, or a camp, or at a sitter’s. I would drinking coffee and doing grown-up things and my snow globe would be intact.
I’m not proud of myself for those thoughts. But I’m human. Staying at home to raise my two boys continues to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t change it, not really, even if I do have fleeting thoughts in times of frustration. But, I do find myself needing a lot of encouragement. A couple of hours after the snow globe debacle I came across this blog post from another mom in the trenches. It really spoke to me and made me feel a bit better.
So, here’s to you having a good Monday, whether it’s your first day back in the saddle or not. Here’s to being a mom in the fun, shiny moments and in the bummer, broken snow globe ones. I’m off to make lunch for my little guys 🙂