Movies lie. Liar liar pants on fire.
There was no climatic scene showing the drama and action of a slow mode car accident. In reality, it was instantaneous and ugly. However, just like a movie; I can still rewind the accident and replay it over and over again. I honestly wish my brain was more like a VHS tape where I could just pull the ribbon out and destroy it. Nevertheless, our bodies are healing (with the help of some great drugs!), deductions have been paid and the car is being fixed. Soon there will be no physical evidence of the accident at all.
As soon as I stopped our car for the school crossing guard; I heard the breaks from the van behind me. I turned around in my seat to see where the noise was coming from. However, before I could focus my eyes on that; I meet the eyes of our oldest daughter. Part of me wishes I never had. It is because in that same instant is when our two vehicles collided.
Our eyes locked for just one instant.
I remember the sight of her eyes bulging for a second as the impact happened. I saw her head jerk forward and heard her screams instantly after. My eyes couldn’t let go of hers.
Immediately she grabbed her neck. The screams she made drowned out my own thoughts of what I needed to do. I tried to spin around further to check on my other daughter behind me; and that’s when I felt my own pain. I called 911.
“Yes, I’ve been in a car accident”. “Yes, people are hurt”. “Yes, please send police and ambulance”. From there the situation got hectic extremely fast.
There is so much I want to talk about this accident. But right now I still can’t get my thoughts together in writing. The screams and vision of my daughters reaction wont stop replaying. Even though the accident was not my fault; I have a lot of mom guilt about what happened. And until it stops, I don’t think I can’t explain it all.