Don’t Be A Poser
Glasses are not a accessory.
They are a necessity.
I get so tired of people asking me why I choose to wear glasses. Err, what? I choose to wear them so I can see dummy. I mean what type of question is that? I want to ask them- why do you choose to breath? Geeze, stupidity. People asking me about my glasses just implies people still think glasses are unattractive. However, because we are grooming people to be respective of others, now we are just being passive agressive and I can’t stand people being passive agressive! Just say what you mean- You think glasses are ugly.
Then I see people walking around with glasses and I think “those frames are so cute”. I’m brave (and nosey) and stop them to ask where they got them. Their reply makes me want to slap-a-hoe because they are fake. Their glasses are fake! Exsqueeze me? Why would you choose to wear glasses? Are you mocking us glasses wearing people. Yes, yes you are; just so you know. When you wear fake “cute” frames (because they aren’t glasses) you are mocking me! Nevertheless, companies are encouraging the mocking by providing amo with selling fake frames. But I guess they aren’t fake frames, because the frames are actually real. Ya, know?
Anywho, let’s talk about where all this hatred comes from. It comes from years of having no choice (don’t tell me “you can get contacts”; that’s not an option biatch!) of wearing glasses. Here are just a few really crappy reason’s why wearing glasses completely sucks and why I hate when you mock me by wearing fake glasses.
- It begins with the struggles of walking up hill to school both ways in the snow with no shoes in the winter. No, really, your glasses steam up from you struggling to get up that hill because your body temperature is warmer than the air outside, and then you can’t see because your glasses are fogged so then you trip and roll down the hill and then you lose your glasses in the snow and you can’t see so you start crying while you are on your hands and knees looking for them…..whew, that was a mouth full. So yea, your glasses steaming up so you can’t see “kinda” sucks, especially while driving, because like, you can’t see!
- Let’s take a shower. But wait, how the hell are you supposed to see in the shower? You don’t wear your glasses in there. Why? BECAUSE THEY FOG UP! And remember, then you can’t see! So you fumble around grabbing at fuzzy blurry shapes in hope it is the object we are really after. However, after you grab what you think is shampoo, you realize it’s not foaming. Shampoo is suppose to foam. Why is this not foaming?! Crap. So you scream for your husband and ask him to read the bottle. He tells you it is a shampoo bottle, but then tells you it’s actually baby oil inside because he accidently broke that bottle and the shampoo bottle was empty so he just poured it in. Um, thanks for the heads up (no pun intended).
- Screw it. You move on in your shower routine and need to “trim the hedges”. Trying to shave your legs, or anything else, is like planning involuntary manslaughter. I.E. You don’t plan and cutting yourself a million times over, yet you can’t see because you can’t wear your glasses in the shower because they fog up. Remember then you can’t see! So now your legs, and anything else, look like a murder scene as the blood runs down your body with the water and soap. Soap in open wounds burns. It burns! Oh, the pain and agony your shower is now bringing you. So you hurry the hell up and get out as fast of possible. Who needs to actually wash their body anyways. At this point you just hope the baby oil/shampoo/shaving cream combo has done enough cleaning.
- So what happens when you sleep? Of course you don’t need your glasses. So you throw those bad boys on your right stand (if you practice good glasses care and good aim). But wait, don’t put the lens side down, because then you can scratch the lens and then you can’t see! Put those sexy specks in a case.
- It’s been a long day walking and crawling in the snow. Then taking a blind shower slicing up your legs like Edward Scissorhands and as you settle into bed with your sexy bae glasses in their case, you realize you forgot to pee. However, you feel confident you can do this- walk to the bathroom with no glasses on…in the dark. HaHaHaHaHaHa! NO! That aint gonna happen. Instead, you trip, fall and stub every protruding body part. You awake the next morning wondering what fight club you were in last night.
So, let’s recap. I (and other glasses wearing people) wear glasses so we can see. Seeing is good. Seeing is fun. Seeing is actually required to do a lot of things (although I’m realizing intelligence is not). I don’t wear contacts because I can’t. Like, my eyesight is so bad, companies have yet to make contacts that match my prescription in my glasses. When I did have contacts in my early years, I literally had (and still have) a code on my licence which tells people I can not wear contacts while driving because….I can’t see well enough to drive. I.E. like reading street signs, road signs and more. That stuff is sorta important ya know?! Therefore, stop asking me why don’t I just wear contacts. Also, whatever you do, do not, and I repeat do not, ask me why I just don’t get lasik. It’s offensive and makes me sad. Sniff sniff. I want to wear contacts or get lasik. Don’t ask stupid questions if you don’t want to hear a stupid answer. And I’ll leave it at that. Censorship and all ya’ know.